The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
