I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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