If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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