Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
no, he came in my armpit
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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