At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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