I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
