she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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