she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
