five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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