I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
