Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
