So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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