The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
