Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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