is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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