guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
