you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
