im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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