xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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