You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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