dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
