Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
