You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
