did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
