No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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