I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
A+ Viking dick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
