i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
