My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
