Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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