the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The beer is more important than you right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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