I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
