Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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