i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
