Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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