just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
