Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
