Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
