thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
