It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
