Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
