Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
