Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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