every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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