and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Randomize
