just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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