someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
