I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
