A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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