I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
