I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
