maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
