Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
