Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
