You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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