how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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