Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
