I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
