i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
