Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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