Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
