Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
