if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
