she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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