so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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