the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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