NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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