mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
