the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
