You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
