I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
