I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
